Lingering doubts

[blindingtrust]

She was home. Check. Cedric was being calm. Check. Bed for sleeping? Check.

Comfy clothing? Well. Check. Sort of. Ivy is relaxing in a long shirt and a pair of shorts. For her that's like being a knight without her armor. She's so used to clothing that covered her. Even her hair being so long was like a shield. A metaphorical one. A way to keep her insecurities at bay. Because she hated attention. The hair was meant to draw attention away from her person so much. So they wouldn't look too closely at her face.

Her long dark coat was to comfort her. She liked the feel of it near her. It was quite comforting. But she didn't have to wear it here. Or keep her hair in her face. Or feel so damned nervous in her own home. But she couldn't help it. She was very weak feeling. And kept just thinking. About the hospital. About how she hated being there. And now her own doubts.

About everything. And she felt very stupid over it. So she ignored the idea of bed and sleep, and curled up on her couch, quietly petting her dog. Because she was going to distract herself that way. Say, maybe cuddles? She should totally get them.

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[wright-idea.livejournal.com]

Phoenix reaches down and pets the dog around his feet. It's nice. Sort of relaxing, really. "Hope you've been taking care of yourself. I've gotten some idea of what that stuff you got injected with does," he says, swallowing. "I'm really glad you're okay."

He looks. "Um, mind if I sit down?" he asks. He feels tired himself, though it's mostly from running in mental circles.

[blindingtrust.livejournal.com]

Cedric is wagging his tail at that. He's a happy dog.

"I have. Doing what the Doctors told me to do." Rest and try to avoid stressing herself out for a few days. Though this is sort of day one of her resting. "I...I'm glad I'm ok too. Sure. Go ahead."

She herself is moving back to the couch to sit. She still feels wobbly on her feet.

[wright-idea.livejournal.com]

"Thank you..." He sits down gratefully. He doesn't remember the last time he felt this weary. Then again, he hasn't really been this mired in self-doubt for a while, which is probably why he sought out Ivy. Assuming, of course, he doesn't mess things up here too.

"I'm... I'm glad you're resting. I still wish I could've done something to prevent this," he says. He adds, muttering. "But then again, I don't seem to have had much luck in preventing a lot of bad things..." A wave of unhappiness washed over him again as he thought about how things were right now.

He shakes his head. "Sorry, I don't want to bring you down... when will you be getting back to work?"

[blindingtrust.livejournal.com]

It would be pretty hard for him to. Ivy does think rather highly of him compard to other people she tried dating in the past. For her dating just didn't end well.

"Phoenix..." She sighs a bit. He couldn't have. She moves a little closer and hugs him. "You shouldn't get so worked up over this. I'm ok. That's what matters. Now...what else happened?"

She pauses. "Err. Next week. They want me to feel my best."

[wright-idea.livejournal.com]

Phoenix just isn't thinking too highly of HIMSELF at the moment. Bear with him.

He rubs his face. "Christ on a crutch, where do I begin?" He sighs, still feeling pretty miserable. "I guess... it starts almost a week ago..."

He tells her everything. About the vision he got of Mia's untimely demise, and how he and Edgeworth planned to catch Redd White attempting to do the evil deed while still saving Mia. About how they arrived to find things had already started without them, and how he'd lost his head when he'd had a deja vu moment at the smell of blood. About how they'd found that Mia's Maya had been killed, and how things went downhill after that. About how Mia had shot and killed White in an attempt to save Phoenix. And how things were now screwed up, with a convoluted crime scene and Mia no doubt a wanted criminal. Finally, on top of that, he tells her about how he finally found HIS Maya -- only to discover she had some sort of amnesia, and could not remember him. By the time he's finished, he sounds very much down in the dumps again.

He takes a deep breath. "If... if I'd just done things a little differently, had come a little sooner, then maybe..." He shakes his head. "But it doesn't matter. I've messed up. Badly." His voice breaks a little as he says this.

[blindingtrust.livejournal.com]

She wished all that hadn't happened to him. And ends up somehow in his lap holding him. Her sunglasse were on the floor and her face was burried in his neck right now. She was trying to be comforting.

"Oh god Phoenix. I--I'm so sorry about that. All of it. Jesus..fuck," the last bit comes out very muffled.

Yeah she's pretty much shaking up against him. oyt really helping. But hearing all that happened and she couldn't do a thing to help? That hurt like crazy.

[wright-idea.livejournal.com]

Phoenix blinks. "Oh... oh Jesus, please, I didn't mean to make you... sorry, Ivy, I shouldn't have burdened you with all this..." He holds her tightly, his head resting on her shoulder. "Especially not after all you've been through. God, Ivy, please don't cry... if you do, I might..." He swallows. Damnit, of all the times he'd really rather NOT cry, this was the time, and yet here he was.

He wants to take the pain away. Even if it's only hers, that's some progress, right?

Maybe.

[blindingtrust.livejournal.com]

She sniffles a little. "It wasn't that bad. Just a long day followed by a very long week Phoenix." She's petting his hair now.

It is oddly comforting for her. And now she's trying to touch his cheeks. It's helping her keep her feelings in check right now. Though the need to cry for him was still there.

[wright-idea.livejournal.com]

Phoenix sighs a bit. Being with Ivy like this somehow makes things better, at least for now. And when she reaches for his cheeks, he helps her, holding her hands to his face. Because right now, the touch of another human can only help.

"Ivy... I'm doing all right, aren't I? I... I did what I had to, and I didn't just make things worse, right?" He hates himself for fishing for reassurance, but right now he could really hear those words. Especially from her.

[blindingtrust.livejournal.com]

She's greatful for the help. Means more contact.

"You did the right thing Phoenix," she tells him. Because it's true. She did't think he made it worse. He couldn't have. This was Phoenix.

"It's ok. You did nothing wrong," she says again. Then decides, the hell with waiting. She kisses him. Maybe that will help too.

[wright-idea.livejournal.com]

He lets the words roll over him. He needs the reassurrance right now. He needs... pretty much anything good right now. And Ivy is definitely good.

...Especially when she kisses him. Wow. He thinks he feels a bit of an electric jolt go down his back. And he kisses back.

[blindingtrust.livejournal.com]

Right now she's trying to comfort him. So there is lots of hair petting. And cheek petting. Also? The back of his neck gets a gental rub.

But the returned kiss? Is very appericated. Because it means to her she's helping him. And she needs to help him so very badly.

[wright-idea.livejournal.com]

Phoenix takes it all in. Her desire to help, her comforting touch. He just wants to lose himself in this moment, to forget all the bad things that happened because of his hotheadedness, and to just live in a moment where, for once, things actually went as they should.

And, for a short while at least, he forgets that he's a screwup.