Lingering doubts

[blindingtrust]

She was home. Check. Cedric was being calm. Check. Bed for sleeping? Check.

Comfy clothing? Well. Check. Sort of. Ivy is relaxing in a long shirt and a pair of shorts. For her that's like being a knight without her armor. She's so used to clothing that covered her. Even her hair being so long was like a shield. A metaphorical one. A way to keep her insecurities at bay. Because she hated attention. The hair was meant to draw attention away from her person so much. So they wouldn't look too closely at her face.

Her long dark coat was to comfort her. She liked the feel of it near her. It was quite comforting. But she didn't have to wear it here. Or keep her hair in her face. Or feel so damned nervous in her own home. But she couldn't help it. She was very weak feeling. And kept just thinking. About the hospital. About how she hated being there. And now her own doubts.

About everything. And she felt very stupid over it. So she ignored the idea of bed and sleep, and curled up on her couch, quietly petting her dog. Because she was going to distract herself that way. Say, maybe cuddles? She should totally get them.

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[blindingtrust.livejournal.com]

She wished all that hadn't happened to him. And ends up somehow in his lap holding him. Her sunglasse were on the floor and her face was burried in his neck right now. She was trying to be comforting.

"Oh god Phoenix. I--I'm so sorry about that. All of it. Jesus..fuck," the last bit comes out very muffled.

Yeah she's pretty much shaking up against him. oyt really helping. But hearing all that happened and she couldn't do a thing to help? That hurt like crazy.

[wright-idea.livejournal.com]

Phoenix blinks. "Oh... oh Jesus, please, I didn't mean to make you... sorry, Ivy, I shouldn't have burdened you with all this..." He holds her tightly, his head resting on her shoulder. "Especially not after all you've been through. God, Ivy, please don't cry... if you do, I might..." He swallows. Damnit, of all the times he'd really rather NOT cry, this was the time, and yet here he was.

He wants to take the pain away. Even if it's only hers, that's some progress, right?

Maybe.

[blindingtrust.livejournal.com]

She sniffles a little. "It wasn't that bad. Just a long day followed by a very long week Phoenix." She's petting his hair now.

It is oddly comforting for her. And now she's trying to touch his cheeks. It's helping her keep her feelings in check right now. Though the need to cry for him was still there.

[wright-idea.livejournal.com]

Phoenix sighs a bit. Being with Ivy like this somehow makes things better, at least for now. And when she reaches for his cheeks, he helps her, holding her hands to his face. Because right now, the touch of another human can only help.

"Ivy... I'm doing all right, aren't I? I... I did what I had to, and I didn't just make things worse, right?" He hates himself for fishing for reassurance, but right now he could really hear those words. Especially from her.

[blindingtrust.livejournal.com]

She's greatful for the help. Means more contact.

"You did the right thing Phoenix," she tells him. Because it's true. She did't think he made it worse. He couldn't have. This was Phoenix.

"It's ok. You did nothing wrong," she says again. Then decides, the hell with waiting. She kisses him. Maybe that will help too.

[wright-idea.livejournal.com]

He lets the words roll over him. He needs the reassurrance right now. He needs... pretty much anything good right now. And Ivy is definitely good.

...Especially when she kisses him. Wow. He thinks he feels a bit of an electric jolt go down his back. And he kisses back.

[blindingtrust.livejournal.com]

Right now she's trying to comfort him. So there is lots of hair petting. And cheek petting. Also? The back of his neck gets a gental rub.

But the returned kiss? Is very appericated. Because it means to her she's helping him. And she needs to help him so very badly.

[wright-idea.livejournal.com]

Phoenix takes it all in. Her desire to help, her comforting touch. He just wants to lose himself in this moment, to forget all the bad things that happened because of his hotheadedness, and to just live in a moment where, for once, things actually went as they should.

And, for a short while at least, he forgets that he's a screwup.